enigma

The other day I got to wondering about something. It seems like the first 10-12 years of our lives set us up good or bad for the rest of our lives. I know that God is able to turn things meant for evil into good, and he is our healer. That isn’t what I’m talking about. He forgives our sins and makes us clean, but there are still the effects of sin (ours and others’) that we live with on a daily basis.

God doesn’t eradicate our negative life experiences. He doesn’t erase them. He doesn’t go back in time and make it as if those things never happened. If we were wounded, we live with a scar. If a parent dies, we live with the loss. If our parents divorce, we live wondering if we were the cause, always hoping that someday they will get back together again. If we were bullied in school, we still have those memories that may cause us to flinch when in similar situations.

Why is it that the events of such a short time, in relation to our entire life-span, effect us so intensely for the rest of our lives? The insecurities birthed in our childhood are basically the same, the fears perhaps have grown. I know there are many explanations, and I’m sure there are psychological/spiritual and other reasons – I just wish it weren’t so.

I’d like to believe that as I grow more mature and emotionally healthy – ( not just because I’m aging – I know plenty of older people who are not emotionally or spiritually healthy) – but because I’m working at it intentionally – that those old shadowy childhood fears and insecurities would be uprooted and chucked into a fire-pit and burned.

It’s an enigma to me.

I know that Christ makes all things new. 2 Cor. 5:17 says:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

but I also know that we are imperfect and until the perfect comes (Jesus) we just have to live with the shadows until they are completely eradicated by the light of Christ.

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4 Responses to “enigma”

  1. Wanda Says:

    Thank you, Kris, for being willing to blog about the enigma of pain, fear, insecurities and hurts. Your writing reminds me of another favorite author of mine, C. S. Lewis, and his lifestory portrayed in the movie: Shadowlands. C. S. Lewis as the film concludes says:

    “Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers any more. Only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I’ve been given the choice: as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That’s the deal.”

    Thanks for sharing.

  2. Deb Schmidt Says:

    Hi Kris,
    I love your blog! Keep it up! God has gifted you with the ability to communicate thoughts and experiences in a way that encourages others! Thanks, sweet sister!
    Love you.
    Deb

  3. Nanci Hinman Says:

    Kris, Your writings are my second “morning” devotional after my time with Jesus….they are refreshing and so uplifting and they draw me to be more for Jesus, and discover who He is in me more and more everyday..Thanks for sharing yourself …these writing would make an excellent book. I know that you are writing books for children, but these thoughts would make a beautiful devotional…. You have such a gift for opening peoples minds….

  4. Rochelle Eigsti Says:

    Wow! I will continue to ponder on this blog entry. I like your wisdom and ability to put it in written word.

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