Posts Tagged ‘paralyze’

quiet and piles

June 7, 2010

Wow, I can’t believe it’s already been three weeks since I last posted! I’m trying to analyze why I haven’t written. Other than life being perpetually busy this time of year with weddings and graduations, throw in a funeral and on-going grieving process and add the process of one’s own daughter graduating, preparing for her grad party and the myriad details that come with college preparations and there just isn’t any space in the mind to let creativity run rampant! Piles of to-do’s and piles of things I need to remember clutter my brain.

It’s not just that, though. I think I self-sabotage by pressuring myself. “I’ve gotta write a post! It’s been x number of days!” The pressure prevents fresh thought. It paralyzes my brain.

Then, if that’s not enough, I think about all the people Les and I have told about my blog and I start thinking, “I don’t have anything to say! These people are going to read my posts and think, ‘What a waste of time!‘”

Perfectionism, as I wrote earlier, can paralyze me. “If it isn’t going to be great then I don’t want to do it at all!”

With all this going on in this crowded little head of mine, it’s a wonder I get anything written!

Well, now you have had a little peek into the mind of Kris Beauchamp! Crazy! Pathetic! I know! But it’s just the way it is!

The biggest reason though, is not creating quiet – not making quiet – not escaping early in the morning or late at night when the house is still and I can hear my thoughts. Quiet is essential to creativity – for me at least. I don’t know how other people find their sweet spot, but I have to create an atmosphere of calm, quiet, repose. My thoughts have to have space to collect and be shifted and sifted and marinated and cooked. Thinking takes time. It takes space. It takes energy. These are all precious commodities which are in short supply at this time in my life.

So, I thank you for your patience as I muddle my way through the piles of life! I probably need a good pair of boots and a shovel to begin excavation! Who knows what I might find underneath! There might actually be a couple of good ideas in there! Let’s hope so! And of course, you’ll be the first to know!